Dear God,
I decided to take a break from my essays. Phew! This scholarship is so much work!!! I was about to give up a couple of time tonight but I didn’t. Thank you for letting me persevere (<— this seems too strong of a word hahaha)!~
I have to confess (you already know, though) that I exploded (wait for it…) when the computer shut down on me, erasing some of the essay that I wrote. By exploding, I mean stress level going up, my attitude going sour, and saying some cuss words (<gasp!>). This is my bad habit. I’m pretty good with stress, but when I am really stressed out, I show a bad side of me. I feel bad because although I’m not sure if I blamed my younger brother, I think I may have implied that it was his fault for not charging the laptop. >.< I apologized to him, but this really made me think:
I can’t cope with stress like this.
If I need to show frustration outwardly, what good does it do? It just sets a negative environment in the house and all of the kids feel bad, too.
My resolution is to learn how to control my actions. I should not act/talk impulsively in the heat of the moment.
As I am eating the yummy kimichi soup the boys and dad made, I am quite thankful for all of this. My family is really loving, caring, and understanding no matter how much we may clash, fight, or argue. As I take a break from writing my essays (Ironically, I’m still typing more words onto the computer hahaha), I am able to enjoy this dinner. Also, since I am busy working, I really appreciated my younger bro, Joe,’s comment of telling the boys to cut me some slack when I didn’t respond to their questions and etc because “Nuna’s really busy. She has to write 8 essays”. I’m not sure if I was like that when I was Joe’s age, but that made me grateful. Also, the boys have been quiet (it might be due to reading or using the computer BUT) for me. :) Thank you for such a wonderful family.
I’m very lucky to have brothers that keep me in check as well. I might hate it at times, but they know my good and bad points and tell me how to become better with their comments. When I exploded, Joe was the one to tell me to stop saying such words and stating that I’m setting a negative mood. This is very true. Although my pride makes me disregard my brothers’ comments sometimes, when I do open my ears and hear their words, I might become upset but I ultimately gain a valuable experience.
God, truthfully, I AM quite stressed out at the moment. The scholarship I’m applying for is due tomorrow (I found about this scholarship by chance today) and it’s a huge one. Also, the scholarship is REALLY lengthy (if printed: 22-23 pages for my part only; there are three parts). The “question” part, which in actuality are essays, have 8 questions (literally!). 8 essays. YUCK. Even though I tried to recycle some of my college app essays, I barely managed to finish 3. 5 more to go. Yay me. <—-hahaha that tone was really dry and sarcastic.
Lord, I pray that as I start writing again, you may just bless me and help me complete this all today. I pray that I may finish this soon (hope the latest is 11 because I still need to practice for my Spanish presentation). Please lend me your brilliance and guidance. I know that while my human body and mind is unable to complete this alone, with your help, I am able to succeed and excel.
Thank you for humbling me once more and teaching me valuable lessons.
Love, Kitty
